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Dear Winter,
What the fuck is your deal? Why the fuck do you ruin 4 months out of my life every year? Are you shitting me that you get dark at 3pm every day? I am not even home from work yet and it is pitch black outside? Seriously dude, you are a major buzz kill. You were that kid that got picked on at school and now want to ruin it for every one, right? So instead of becoming a cop you decided to become Winter? Not cool bro, not cool.
And if your cold ass buzz kill temperatures weren't enough, you have to really up the ante with Wind Chill? Seriously, wind chill? More like wind tear my balls apart. Sometimes I will wind around a corner and your Wind Tear My Balls Apart will immediately make it hard for me to breathe as well as cause bullshit pussy wind tears. So if it wasnt enough that I look like a bitch shivering in your horribleness, now I cant breathe and am tearing like that bitch I broke up with last night? ManBracket down to you fucker.
Instead of making dudes look like bitches you could make us look like heroes, like Summer. Now Summer, that mother fucker is way cooler than your ass. Summer gets the girls to take their clothes off and parade around basically naked. You on the other hand are the reason for Winter Bush as well as make girls fucking wear layers of clothing and keep them indoors away from my eye raping. You need to suck it up. Even Fall has its moments of warm girl nakedness. And Spring, well that mother fucker is the coolest of all. If you cant get laid in the spring, well than I just dont know what to tell you.
But no, Winter, you really serve no purpose. So this letter is to inform you that I revolt against you. I will continue to wear shorts and sandals even if it is fucking snowing. I will continue to ask people to play basketball outside. I will even go as far as to invent X-ray glasses so I can continue to eye rape girl passerbys. Just watch, eventually you will submit. You sill see that I have won, and you Winter have lost. Until then watch your back, Global Warming is coming for you.
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